December 23

An Anxious and an Avoidant walk into a car….


Picking up on signals you’re about to lose someone and you drive them crazy and make you want to push them away faster. We didn’t want to go to eat, because that place, so we ended up like high school. In and out. Dick All right, I’m doing too late. You guys know that already. And we are talking today about staying in relationships that you’re not quite feeling.

Would you ever stay with a guy just because the dick is good? How long? Okay, so it’s directly based off how long there is? So you got six inches? That’s about six weeks. You wait, that’s a month? What about six and a half asking for a friend? seven weeks. we round up here sick. Terrible. All right. But really, though, like, what do you look for a relationship? Besides eight inches? comfort? comfort food? Are you one of those girls who let themselves go in relationships?

Mm hmm. What about like picking up on signals, picking up on signals, when you feel like you’re about to lose someone, when like you feel they’re breaking away from you. So then you punch on him fucking tighter and you drive them crazy and make you want to push them away faster. more space, oh, when people start to get the gist that you want to be with them.

Or like you’re pulling away so they’re like, fucking grab you and they hold on fucking tighter they’re like, button, they realize that that’s only pushing way more, and they see it and you know that they see it, but then they keep doing it. And then that’s it. So here’s the fucking deal. This goes back to and this is gonna be a quick primer on this shit because it’s a little bit, just a big fucking subject. But it goes back to what we call attachment theory.

Back in the day, when you were young, your caretakers, the people that you depended on to give you affection, love fucking safety, also the shit when you could not operate on your own by yourself. You developed a bond with them in a certain way. And if you had any sort of trauma in that space, then you develop a what we call attachment bonding, a secure attachment bonding doesn’t really need anybody else doesn’t really not need anybody else, it just kind of chill and you’re kind of self sufficient.

But there’s a type of attachment bonding called anxious attachment. an anxious attachment person is going to be the person that as you pull away from them, they’re going to be afraid of abandonment or afraid of being left out, they get a big FOMO thing. And what will happen is they will try to claw their way back into the relationship because they believe that closeness and intimacy is the measure of of love, right.

On the other side, we have what we call avoidant attachment. People who need space all the time people who need to be left the fuck alone. What will happen is an avoidant attachment person when they’re feeling too crowded in what they need to do is push away spend some alone time recenter themselves and then get back into the whole thing.

So there’s a chance and then there’s a chance well here’s the deal and a secure attachment person and an anxious attachment person gets together is anxious attachment pulls away and a secure attachment person just waits around and does whatever the fuck they’re gonna do. And then when the person comes back there they’re no problems but a secure attachment dates a an avoidant attachment person or it’s the other way around.

Yeah, sir. You guys get it I’m not going to reiterate that shit. The avoidant attachment one, this is what I just said the anxious attachment one if they start getting too close to too clingy this secure person doesn’t need to go away because they’re chill however it works. They’re just kind of chill. So the H’s attachment person gets their needs met anyway.

Right? The problem is when you get an anxious and avoidant attached person stuck together. What will happen is it’s actually the subject of the third book I would release next year. She wants faster look for it on Amazon. The the avoidant will feel like they need space and they’re getting squished and then the anxious will feel like the other ones pulling away. Someone to respect that space.

That’s all it takes the respect of the space and then everything can be okay. It doesn’t always happen that way, truth. So the anxious feels like oh my god, I’m losing a relationship. I have to try harder. I have to buy more shit, I have to fucking be more intimate. I have to show them more attention. Like my gestures have to be grander.

And that’s precisely what creates the avoidant attachment problems, because the voltage hazard problem was chose fought just be like, I want to talk to you today. And then they’re like, Oh, no, no, no, I’m trying to avoid you. No, no, no, I’m trying to. And then like a week later, it’s like, what the fuck this person is fucking clean your shit and I’m gonna die.

So that’s a no. And so anyways, as long as they don’t have good deck, like, if you have a good deck, then they get a little bit of leeway. Yeah, so, uh, anyway, at the end of the day, when you get an anxious and avoidant together, one of them will chase the other one away so much that they just, it just tears the whole relationship apart. The way to avoid these things, obviously, is to become a secure attached person.

And that is possible, I would reference the original literature, but I’m in my fucking car with crystal. And it’s very difficult to look all that shit up right now. So you have to search YouTube for anxious avoidant attachment. And what will happen is you’ll get the first 55 fucking videos are going to be people telling you a exactly what I just told you and be telling you how to become secure attached.

The way that you can do the whole secure attachment thing is to realize when you’re feeling those feelings, they aren’t fucking real, whether you’re feeling like running, or you’re feeling like chasing, they’re not real. Because chances are your intimacy, your love, your acceptance, your validation is built off of another person’s feelings.

The feelings that you know anything about are your own. Just cuz she’s old, she’s wise. When she was like in her mid 20s, she didn’t have this kind of brain dig. Jelly keeps me around to them a big deck. So I finally got a film there, but as you live Alright, so what was I saying? You have to realize that those little feelings, they’re not fucking real.

They’re just in your brain, they’re not necessarily indicative of how your relationship is running, your relationship is probably built on a bunch of other shit. Like, you guys like the same fucking music, you guys really like coming together? There. You know, there’s a bunch of reasons why you you enjoy each other’s company during the first fucking 12 to 18 months of relationship when serotonin and the oxytocin is super high, which is another fucking whole video thing that we’re gonna do later on.

But your relationship is built on something other than the feelings that you’re going to have to chase to get or you’re going to have to run away from and as you guys move towards secure attachment, you will have a much easier time and want less stressful time in your relationships. Like you can just like not give a fuck about shit.

It should solves itself. Okay, so we’re asking in an avoidant attachment person, all right, what the best way to deal with you is, if you start to pull away, let me do it for like a minute. And then just like come back around, honestly, you need to know that these people are securing themselves to know that if they didn’t want you in their lives completely, you would probably already be out.

And the third is asking for a couple days give it because if they wanted a lifetime without you, they would have said hey, we’re fucking done. But they didn’t they just had a couple days. And so you can trust what they’re saying? Because they know what they want. But what if I feel like you’re gonna abandon me?

If I don’t give you enough attention? No. I’m from an from an anxious detached person, which is what I was for a very, very long time. And I don’t know if I’m particularly secure. I just fill my whole life with variety. So that helps. I had to realize that just because people didn’t want to hang out with me, it didn’t mean that they didn’t want to hang out with me forever.

And when all those little feelings come up, and they’re like, what if if I don’t make a big move, then she’s gonna ignore me and then and then she’s just gonna lose interest in me because I’m not showing her enough effect is bullshit. Chances are, you know, you guys probably don’t watch my videos every day because I’m goddamn annoying.

If you do well, thanks. Hit Like, subscribe, you know, but most of you probably just pop in with a subject matter that looks good. That’s how most of the girls in my life treat me. And when they’re actually obsessed with me, they call me every fucking day. That should never works out. So that’s my candid advice for this shit. Not nearly as professional as it normally is. But look at this tie. It’s like fucking disheveled.

So the daily Jones Rio Yeah. To figure out Are you anxious? Are you avoidant? Or a secure? And I haven’t given you enough data really in this thing. If you listen to the video you might figure it out. But otherwise, look it up like this most people who wrote this book Oh, attached that book is fucking amazing. Like the original research on this shit like wrote it all attached attached.

So I’ll pop the little picture up right here sitting on my hand. Oh, what a great hand. Anyways, a playlist is right there. The fuckin yesterday’s videos right here if you didn’t see it, we’re talking about jealousy. And there’s hit the subscribe button down there if you didn’t, because if you’re staying this long you probably already subscribed. I’m do too late das crystal and I do this every goddamn day. So see you guys tomorrow and Until then, stay awesome.


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