December 22

Raising Your Standards In Dating

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All right, so I don’t know what today’s subject is going to be. But I’m at a Starbucks standing inside. I feel almost normal. These things are like crack by the way. They’re not right. So Title One of my students, I guess, x student, I don’t know, guys to work with. And we’re talking about kind of how the game evolves. College Football phase man. And not we’re talking about how the game evolves.

Literally can eat and talk to cameras at same time. All right, so that’s handled. There, we’re talking about how the game evolves, how people who are kind of, they get into relationships, a relationship coaching in general. So people get in Relationship Coaching in general. And they’ll come from a place of lack or non abundance, right. So they’ll, they’ll come in to like, Oh, I’m not getting laid enough, or I, I am not going on enough dates, or I’m not getting enough matches on my Tinder or whatever it is.

That’s like the initial problem. But after they apply themselves, take some action go into it, then the problems get more closer to home. than not the suburban boys podcast. I looked for the not the suburban boys podcast on Spotify, but it either isn’t available or can’t be played right now.

Alright, so like I was saying, um, the game changes as you move forward, and you feel like you need to do is what vlogging Those are my dancing friends. They also rave. So anyway, we were talking about how the game changes over time, as your priorities change. So your goals are, you know, get laid, get fucking attention, get validated, get whatever in the beginning, because you’re missing out on so much stuff.

When you’re kind of single, you’re paying attention to other shit, a lot of my clients, they, you know, really good in business and really good with, you know, running their companies or whatever, and they’re not paying attention to romance, relationships, social skills, or whatever. So they end up spending a lot of time doing all this other shit, and then neglecting this part of their life. So they. And when they first come to me, they’re like,

Oh, I just need a man who won’t cheat on me, or I just need a girl who, you know, validates me and it’s not going to fucking talk shit to me all the time, or whatever. And that that’s their current need in the beginning of the study in the, in the trying to figure out all the shit that social skills and dating entails? Well, after you get a little bit of success, and your next stage is your goals change. So then your stage changes, right?

Like, a lot of guys, they don’t know where they’re at, or a lot of girls, they won’t, they don’t know exactly what they want to put out there just kind of following their friends advice, or, you know, following the expectations of their parents are whatever models they have for dating. And they’ll try to be something that they don’t know that they are like, they’re, they’re not, they haven’t explored that part yet.

And I think there’s definitely a period of exploration and discovery, you got to try to get out of your comfort zone and figure out what you like, before, you’re gonna settle down on identity that is real, you know. So then stage two, they start, you know, getting a lot of success in dating, and then they realize that the people that are dating don’t, they don’t match them that well, and they’re like, Okay, well, I keep landing these people, but I’m giving up this energy and I’m getting getting this back. And I end up unhappy and dissatisfied, that of all these relationships. And so they stepped their standards up again.

And this iteration goes over and over and over again, as long as they’re trying to get out in the field and date and get a lot of experience under their belt. There’s a lot of these like moving your standards up moving your standards up moving your standards up, because, you know, you’ll get in a relationship with somebody and you’re like, oh, Yep, that that doesn’t work.

And then you drop that you’re the next one, you go to that next one. And eventually you end up having like super high standards, because you know yourself a lot better than you did before. And so you’ll know what you’ll put up with, you’ll know your patterns, you’ll know what makes you go crazy, you’ll know what makes you feel comfortable.

And what happens is like kind of a jaded period to where it’s like, Okay, well, they’re all like this, and just gonna focus on something else. But if you stay in it, you end up knowing yourself really well. And then you can filter, you can have people kind of audition to be your, your next partner, and you’re not gonna just jump in everything that presents itself.

And I was talking to this guy today, like an hour long consultation call. And he was just like, yeah, like, you told me as a piece of advice to lower my standards, and just talk to everybody because, like, I was making a big deal and self sabotaging. When I was like, like, he would we would go out, and then he would be like, Oh, she’s not enough. Or, you know, she doesn’t look like she’s, you know, approachable, or whatever.

And then she make all these excuses. And then he wouldn’t approach you wouldn’t have a good night, he wouldn’t reinforce the fact that going out and interact with new people as fun as fuck. And then you just get down on himself and drop into these old patterns of like, anxiety, self self, self abuse and depression, right?

And so I said, Look, you just need to lower your standards on who you’re going to talk to. I mean, you don’t have to sleep with everybody, you fuck a doctor. So like, it’s not like starting a conversation is going to automatically lead to something that you don’t want, right? Like, just fucking talk to everybody and get engaged and involved because you have to practice not self sabotaging. That’s what you have to get through right now. And so he did that for a couple of months.

He calls me and he’s like, Yeah, man, like, I’m in a couple of these cool relationships. And I realized that that most of these women, they’re like, all the same. They like, they respond well to who I am, or they don’t. And I’m like, Yeah, exactly. It’s like mastering dating thing is really all about you and your own self sabotage, that it is about manipulating other people, right, so

I just want to talk about that a little bit, just because I had that conversation earlier. And, and kind of make it clear that that’s kind of where I’m going with all the new training and stuff. It’s like, Look, you need to get out there and you need to discover and explore what the dating field is, like, before you even start setting idealized standards.

So your exercise for today is to go out and be social, at at one way or another. Like, if you have to, you know, drop by, you know, a store or a bar or something that that has people in it so that you can just say hi to people, if you’re or if you’re at the level where you know, you’re texting a few people, and you need to get them out on dates with you, or whatever.

You pick whatever your next level is, and then just do it rather than self sabotage rather than, you know, considering the options and then not taking any action because without action, you’re not going to get any reference experiences, you’re not going to build up your abilities, your skill sets, because you’re not practicing and you’re also not going to raise your standards at all because your standards are ideals at the moment.

They’re not like real. So that’s your exercise today. Go out and talk to somebody tell me what happened in the comments below. Go check out David’s video to I think I’ll link it right here. And we’re gonna come back tomorrow and go kind of deep into some intimacy shit because I’m,

I’m kind of formulating something for one of my online courses. And so I’ll talk about that shit tomorrow. Until then, stay awesome. And have a great weekend guys. And girls and fluid people


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