NLP Presupposition #6 We respect each person’s model of the world
We all have viewpoints and perspectives that support our values and beliefs, and they’re not static.
The Bhudda said that we need to have compassion for ourselves as much as we have compassion for others, which, in this case seems to point to respecting your own opinion of yourself as well.
You see, I can look in the mirror and see a fat piece of shit who can’t get laid. I can look in the mirror and see an athlete who is on the road to greatness. My worldview is valid in either case.
The magic comes in non-judgement of the states that we’re feeling with I make these self-assertions. It’s almost as dangerous to try to correct “I’m a fat piece of shit” as it is to try to correct “I’m fucking awesome”
Both of those things are a true expression of my mood at the time, and to deny those moments as false robs them of their power. A present, mindful approach to this is to simply notice that the thoughts are there, and let them pass as they roll through the brain without judgement. Another way to handle them emotionally is to focus on the state and ask questions about these states as they pass in a truth seeking way, letting the answers spring from ourselves and surprise us.
Beyond our spiritual connection with our states, we still must respect what comes out of our heads. To refer to our models as somehow invalid in the present because they don’t meet our future goals robs the moment of its power and impedes progress.
If I’m able to judge an idea as false, I can box it into the “Don’t respect this idea” category and dismiss its ability to motivate creative thought that would lead to behavioral change.
If “I’m a fat piece of shit” is rendered invalid, we can choose to use self-hate, andger, and depression as tools to invoke maladaptive coping behaviors (like Chili Fries from the Hat). The true power of a negative belief is its transformative drive.
So many proponents of the “You’re fucking beautiful for you, on the inside, don’t let anybody tell you different” camp attempt to eradicate the real feelings of inadequacy in a push for a flood of positivity that motivates positive states and, by proxy, behavior.
But this cannot be maintained, because negative states are real, and carry with them just as much power as the positive ones.
The real power of negative beliefs is when we can link self-dissatisfaction to action. To make the pain real and vivid and create an approach-avoidance dissonance with our maladaptive behaviors. We can quickly unseat poor habits by linking pain to them, and we can’t do that when we’re minimizing and invalidating the negative concepts in our lives.
The more action taken to minimize that pain, the more positive reference experiences we gain, and the less potent the negative belief becomes, but it only gets to do that when it’s recognized and respected for its momentary truth.
Sometimes, we feel that we should honor our own belief systems because it’s not the kind of belief the person we want to be would have. We are afraid we’ll cement a negative belief that will hinder us later. This only happens when we half-ass our belief indulgence, getting to the dissatisfied part, but skipping the actions and goals that would naturally spring from it, given time.
Bullshit. We are dynamic, constantly changing people, and we are better now because we chose to seek out new experiences yesterday.
Believe in yourself, and honor your beliefs. Each moment brings a change and a new understanding, if we let it.