Lesson 1 : WTF Do You Want?
Hi! I'm Duke.
I love helping people get their heads right and make dating FUN again.
This lesson will be fairly short. The next few days are an assessment to see where you're at in dating. After we figure that out, we'll make some tweaks to free you up to make dating EXCITING again.
Please read the whole lesson and do the exercises quickly. I do a lot of one-on-one, group workshops, and video conference sessions with clients, and I’ve found that the thing that separates people who succeed (and achieve their relationship goals) and people who settle back into their old, chaotic dating lives is SPEED OF EXECUTION.
My clients who win are the ones who don’t let the bullshit stories in their heads stop them from trying new things and discovering new adventures!
If you’re willing to do the work, I’m willing to help!
If you don’t know who I am, I’m Duke! I graduated with my Psychology degree at CLU and got all sorts of life and relationship coaching certifications (NLP, CRC, CORE Coach, CCTP-1 Trauma Coach). I spent a small stint as a hypnotherapy practitioner, and settled into live coaching single people in approaching new potential partners and navigating dates for the last 7 years.
What I learned from watching my clients over the years was that
Everyone has unique and nuanced issues with communication and relationships
Everyone has the same CORE PROBLEMS!
I’m going to start with big concepts with you to make sure you tune up any core things that might be getting in your way, then we can work down to the details.
At any point, if you’re not clear on anything or you’d like me to explain more, please do reach out. Clarity is the key to understanding!
Technology has made everything available, right at our fingertips.
What’s the problem with having so many options to choose from? It can be super difficult to know which to focus your attention on! Without being able to definitively see the outcome… we often find ourselves hopping around at the beginner stages of a whole bunch of things, rather than mastering a few things that are important to us.
I’m here to help you master dating… and the first thing I need to know is;
WTF DO YOU WANT?!?
Some people go on their gut feelings ALL THE TIME.. some aren’t comfortable until they’ve mapped everything out so that they feel like they have all of their options covered. Too many of my clients step out into the dating scene and just do the same things they did in high school (and some of my clients are in their 50’s LOL ). Without testing and trying new things they just keep getting the same results… until they shake themselves out of their bullshit and do something intentional, for a change.
Here’s your first exercise. Tell me what you want.
Exercise 1: The “Nice To Haves” list.
Write down 20 things you want in a partner. These things shouldn’t be things they can’t change. For example, “fit” is a good one, because they can make choices to affect their fitness. “Tall” is a bad one, because there’s nothing they can do about it.
This list is the “Nice to have” list. If they don’t have all of these qualities, it’s totally fine, but it would be nice if they had some of these things.
Exercise 2: The “Dealbreakers” list.
Write down 20 Deal breakers. These are things that you will absolutely NOT tolerate in your relationship. For example, I won’t date anyone who is improperly medicated for mental illness. I’m a coach and a healer in my professional life, I don’t want my relationship to feel like professional work. I won’t tolerate methamphetamine or opiate use, because I’ve lost multiple friends to addiction. These are deal breakers. Some clients write down “Comes from a broken family”, “smokes”, “isn’t a Christian”. None of those are dealbreakers for me, but they’re some examples of standards that my clients write.
These are totally up to you. Please do the exercises COMPLETELY.
Doing these exercises will give us more clarity in how you think, what you react to, and how you assert your boundaries. The more aware we are about ourselves, the better.
When you’re done with this one, we’ll discuss on the coaching call a bit, and then move on to the next exercise for self awareness. With the data we get here, we’ll set up your real-world strategies to communicating your standards and boundaries better and filtering out people who you’re attracting.
Thanks for being real with me (and with yourself), it will help you succeed much more quickly if you don’t front and candy coat stuff.
-= Duke =- s